Pirated DVD Spill Headed For Russia

After an explosion occurred in a Chinese copying factory, an 80-mile-long pirated DVD spill is headed up the Songhua river towards Russian territory. The spill is said to be a potent mix of recently released movies and Xbox games. Independent observers from Greenpeace say, "This could be dangerous. There are over 40,000 copies of 'Monster-in-Law' floating down that river. Not only will the discs choke off oxygen and sunlight for the river's wildlife, but imagine if people start recovering these DVDs and watching that loathsome piece of shit." The observer deemed quick action to be necessary. "We're sending a team over there right now to see if we can't minimize the environmental damage and maybe get a few copies of Grand Theft Auto." Officials in Russia are particularly worried because this accidental spill may result in the largest exposure to a Jennifer Lopez movie ever recorded. As a result of the incident, strain has been placed on the diplomatic relations between China and Russia, with the Russian parliament currently considering retaliation via an air-drop of tens of thousands of copies of 'Big Momma's House 2.'