Once Again, Eyebrow Pencil Saves Lives

by

Disaster was narrowly averted last week when a group of ajummas trapped in a collapsed building were able to contact rescuers by sending messages written entirely in eyebrow pencil. The ajummas were pinned in a small basement chamber beneath the rubble of the G-SpaceParkWorldSpace Mall, which collapsed just 1 week after opening and 2 weeks after construction began. When the building began to collapse, the ajummas managed to get to the shelter of the basement by pushing aside a group of small schoolchildren, who all died. They survived for several days with their military-grade camping rations and arctic-ready sleeping bags, which they had brought with them in preparation for a walk through the local playground. As supplies were growing thin, rescuers inched closer to them, painstakingly removing the plastic cubicle partitions and duct tape that had served as the 20-story mall’s main support structure. The ajummas, fearing that if the rubble was removed incorrectly they would be crushed by a giant bronze sculpture of Gus Hiddink’s head which lay overtop them, began furiously scribbling notes in eyebrow pencil and passing them to the rescue workers. Fortunately, the ajummas’ daily supply of eyebrow pencil was just enough to describe their situation, draw several diagrams, and write down a series of 27 teen detective novels which kept the rescuers entertained during their arduous work.

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31 Responses to “Once Again, Eyebrow Pencil Saves Lives”

  1. jinglejangle Says:

    “South Korean Shoots 32 Pictures of Herself
    Onlookers horrified by the ghastly display of self-absorption.”

    HA HA! You saved the best for last I see.

  2. total-spender Says:

    I recently discovered your site. Excellent.

    Please keep up the good work. Bookmarked.

  3. swiss james Says:

    Once again, I tip my toupee in respect

  4. cally jane Says:

    Fucking hilarious.

  5. Idealjetsam Says:

    “The ajummas were pinned in a small basement chamber beneath the rubble of the G-SpaceParkWorldSpace Mall, which collapsed just 1 week after opening and 2 weeks after construction began.”

    “1 week after opening and 2 weeks after construction began.”

    I suppose you plan on blindly accepting these fabricated numbers, don’t you? Rube.

  6. nobody Says:

    “Ha, ha,” at the clown above. Ha, ha. Korean?

  7. Idealjetsam Says:

    “Ha, ha,” at the Korean above. Ha, ha. Clown?

  8. Sean Says:

    “…the ajummas managed to get to the shelter of the basement by pushing aside a group of small schoolchildren, who all died.”

    Just another set of ajumma shoving statistics. It’s so sad.

  9. the teller of truths Says:

    wow – idealjetsam is a moron.

    look at his stupid comments.

    i’m sure once he finishes high school he’ll offer something a little more incitive.

    in the meantime just treat his droppings the same way as one would a retard that shat on the floor of target.

  10. the teller of truths Says:

    wow – idealjetsam is a moron.

    look at his stupid comments.

    i’m sure once he finishes high school he’ll offer something a little more insightful.

    in the meantime just treat his droppings the same way as one would a retard that shat on the floor of target.

  11. idealjetsam Says:

    Wow.

    I have finally arrived. The Dave’s stalker continuum has finally decided I am grand enough of an online personality to stalk me about the Korea boards.

    Gents, I am touched. billyb, thank you for providing the venue for this auspicious occasion.

    *sniff*

    –i.

    P.S. Incitive or insightful? lol. Idiot.

  12. Anonymous Says:

    What I want to know is, if the truth teller can’t recognize sarcasm or satire (I can’t either, obviously) in Jetsam’s comments, why the hell is he reading a satire blog to begin with?

  13. Eat My Kimchi Mother F***er Says:

    aigu!

  14. Josh Tucker Says:

    idealjetsam is being satirical?
    Isn’t satire supposed to be at least moderately funny?

  15. idealjetsam Says:

    Another of the usual ones! Great stuff.

  16. Kitekid Says:

    Regardless, flotsam, you attempting to palm off your pathetic display of humorless shit as satire on par with Billy’s pure comedy gold is tantamount to comparing a dog shit to wedding cake.
    No wonder you are a fat, bald loner who is online 20 hours a day.

  17. idealjetsam Says:

    “Kitekid Says:
    June 2nd, 2007 at 3:18 am ”

    Hahahaha.

    Stalky-stalky. Drinky-drinky.

    Never said anything to anyone about anyhoo over here. Never said anything about pawning any shit or satire. Certainly never said anything to or about billy or his humor.

    You vultures are the ones that felt like bringing your obsessive squabble to this site–apparently the other ones aren’t enough. Now that’s pathetic.

    The Korea board stalker continuum carries on.

    I will not, however, carry on with you here. I like billy. I like his writing. And I like the squabbling that goes on here sometimes, when it is on topic. I am not going to humor your low self-esteem here. Split a couch. And try not PWI so much.

    At least the Yangpa will get a blip more action for a few days.

    –i.

  18. qinella Says:

    regardless flot ur not funny.
    stop trying to fuck up the site, man.
    have at least that level of dignity.
    everyone has their aptitude and yours sure isn’t humor.
    move on and focus on your highlights.

  19. Josh Tucker Says:

    Flotsam AKA Idealjetsam is an imbecile trying to portray himself as an intellectual. Lame.

  20. idealjetsam Says:

    Wow. Et tu, Qinella? Hahaha.

    Awww…it’s all just one devotee. That’s cute.

  21. the teller of truths Says:

    idealflotsam said…

    “I will not, however, carry on with you here.”

    Yet you just can’t stand the thought of knowing someone else got the last word, can you?

    Pathetic.

    Everyone in korean cyberspace is laughing at you.

    That shit is documented.

  22. idealjetsam Says:

    Drinky-drinky; stalky-stalky; irony-irony.

    Yes. The halls of Korean cyberspace are echoing with laughter. I’m sure you hear the ringing in your head.

    Just an addendum so that the uninitiated know you are taking on multiple personalities and usernames to enhance the quality of your manure spreading. As I have said before: monkeys and shit, what can you do? You just have to let them play…

    You may now have, what you most desire, oh devotee: the last word.

    –i.

  23. Anonymous Says:

    idealflotsam said…

    “I will not, however, carry on with you here.”

    truth guy said “Yet you just can’t stand the thought of knowing someone else got the last word, can you?”

    He’s right, Flottie.

    You know I love you, man but you do sometimes take this shit too far.

    BUNDANG!

  24. idealjetsam Says:

    You’re right.

    I admit sometimes I take things a little far.

    I guess I just get lonely at times.

    If I can’t win the respect of my peers online through condescension, banality and annoyance, how am I ever supposed to lose my virginity in real life?

    Ponder that one for a second, losers!

  25. nobody Says:

    Time to shut up now perhaps?
    What a way to spend ur weekend!

  26. Al Says:

    Domestic violence and KFC go together like red beans and rice.

  27. quone Says:

    Well, I liked the post.

  28. stat Says:

    YO EVERYONE CHILL!!

    Let’s all focus our angst at billy: it’s been over a month dude! C’mon, quit teasin us ;-)

    Oh, on this whole idealjetsam shit:
    1) i thought his/her first comment was weird
    2) way i read it (i’m not on dave’s anymore so have no idea what baggage this all has), idealjetsam is being totally unfairly persecuted here, and all you guys insulting him come across as weirdos!
    3) this ‘haha you have to write the last word’ shit is RIDICULOUS, because the people writing it ARE having the last word, which totally fucks up their argument!

    jeez, grow up y’all (cept idealjetsam :p), and GET POSTIN AGAIN BILLY!!! you see what your inactivity is doing? your customers are brawlin!

  29. Nick Says:

    I’m slurping this up like a fucking drunk Korean slurps noodles. I WANT MORE.

    Hang on, not the petty bickering and stuff, I meant the laser-guided pisstaking of this twat of a cuntry.

  30. Qinella Says:

    btw, that was not me above, for those wondering. Just look at the emasculated Q. Makes me wanna burn my panties and subjugate myself.

    Oh yeah, funny story, captain. *Fucking* funny.

  31. Bassam Fattouh Says:

    wow!! what a story that’s a very strong eyebrow pencil check out mine it might save your life also
    http://bassamfattouh.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/natural-defini…-يرتقي-إلى-مست/

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