Korean Singer Vows to Provide African Village with Much-Needed Angelina Jolie

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hyolee1.jpg
Lee Hyori visits Africa. Poverty ends moments later.

On her recent trip to Africa, Korean pop singer Lee Hyori was shocked to discover how many Africans were living without Angelina Jolie or even basic Mia Farrow. “It’s appalling,” said the 28 year old star. “How could anybody live in such a place without Angelina Jolie?” Her tour included some of the most exclusive impoverished villages on the African continent, often frequented by the likes of Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, and George Clooney. But she was dismayed to find that not all villages were fortunate enough to receive the nourishing, live-giving celebrity visits they so desperately need. Many villages are plagued by sub-standard celebrity conditions, receiving only visits from people like Ian Ziering and Star Jones while they slowly wait to die.

Lee said, “I would do it myself, but I just don’t have that kind of international fame, despite being really huge on both Dokdo Islets. These people need real Hollywood stars. It breaks my heart, you know? Most of these kids don’t have a lot of photo opportunities.” In addition to the lack of Angelina Jolie, Lee hopes to address some other issues that impoverished Africans face. “I want to improve education. I want to teach them so that one day they can read the covers of the celebrity magazines they grace.” Lee admits, however, that it will be a difficult task for her. “I resolved to help conquer third world poverty the same way I conquered the Korean music industry. But the people at the aid organization said that poverty and hunger cannot be solved by wearing hotpants and singing old Britney Spears hooks.” She appeared to be overcome with emotion, adding gravely, “no matter how small those hotpants are.”

As she spoke, a single tear rolled down her exposed mid-riff.

hyolee.jpg
Hyori is known for keeping up with all the must-have Hollywood accessories

Lee also urged her fellow Koreans to join her in helping Africa. She explained, “the country has been torn in half by military conflict, the people live in grim depressing conditions, the government is corrupt, and the women are selling their bodies on a horrifyingly vast scale. But, trust me, these Africans have it bad too.”

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39 Responses to “Korean Singer Vows to Provide African Village with Much-Needed Angelina Jolie”

  1. J-Dogg Says:

    Please quit your day job. The time between your new posts is torture!

  2. Whitey Says:

    The last line was the best of a good batch.

    And I still get a kick out of your definition of 도우미 whenever I think about it.

  3. nobody Says:

    Yeah, the last line was a gem. Ha ha. You bad.

  4. Cal Says:

    You’ve done it again! That was magic. Loved it nearly as much as the Eyebrow Pencil story, my personal favourite.

    I have to say, it’s a good thing that Lee Hyori wore that vest to Africa.

    Seriously. Not only did it clearly signal her down-to-earth humanitarian-ness, but also its pockets would’ve given her somehere handy to keep her spirit level and assorted builders’ bits and bobs, when it was time to put up a few brand-new mud huts. Which she did. Really. There are pictures:

    http://metropolitician.blogs.com/scribblings_of_the_metrop/2007/07/victims-of-the-.html.

  5. Billy B. Robertson HNIC Says:

    What amazes me the most is that the children survive somehow without their own pocket-covered vests. Brave little souls. I imagine that Hyori’s own pockets are filled with crackers and mace.

  6. Brandon Says:

    Entertaining…just was directed here from a facebook post. Would you guys mind emailing me? I think I may be able to help you guys take this to the next level. Cheers.

  7. Norton Scott Says:

    The next level? You don’t mean a weekly half-hour spot on the arirang network?

  8. Norton Scott Says:

    The Yangpa – National Treasure #427

  9. ROK Drop Linklets - 05AUG07 at ROK Drop Says:

    [...] scary about this girl band?  Here is somebody who is not so scary.- Lee Hyo-li fights to solve sub-standard celebrity conditions in Africa.  This is some funny stuff.- Here is a good summary of where to look for updates on [...]

  10. Oh my at Lost Nomad Says:

    [...] This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week – the last paragraph almost made me spit coffee all over my monitor. [...]

  11. Chuckity Chuck Chuck Says:

    Billy B… I love your knack for words…. and what a rich source of material the Land of the Morning Bullhorn is indeed.

    I would like to voice my support for one of the above suggestions. Quit your job and write more. Eat crackers and keep your ass at the computer. After six years of being stranded on Dokdo, this blog is the only effective therapy I’ve found.

    Cheers

  12. mcnut Says:

    great stuff

  13. exexpatpete Says:

    Sounds very much like those stories by one A. Verhavnik a couple of years ago – very Onionesque – well done and keep it up!

  14. sewing Says:

    This was brilliant. All they need is a little A-list celebrity love….

  15. Hwaiting Says:

    keep ‘em comin’. i rike anyjoke, they making my anyday and my rife a rot easier nowdays!!! damn, i’m not that funny…

  16. nugu? Says:

    Genius.

    Love the juxtaposition of photos. How does Hyori not sense their presence on the web – and die of embarrassment?

  17. idealjetsam Says:

    Nugu? raises a salient point: how can this not get back to Miss Lee? Someone must know one of the Hongdae bouncer/DJs that she was rumored to be gallivanting with a few years ago. If that’s you, pass the word that the site that made Lee, Jun-Gi an international star has decided it’s her turn. Huzzah!

    (P.S. Has anyone ever considered that “Huzzah!” may actually be the most accurate rendering of “Hwaiting!” into English? It’s got to be closer than “Excelsior!” anyway.)

  18. Dori Says:

    THAT was the funniest thing I’ve read in a really long time … and such a welcome break after reading the Hyori-idol worship over at Popseoul.

  19. Ingrid Says:

    Lee said, “I would do it myself, but I just don’t have that kind of international fame, despite being really huge on both Dokdo Islets. These people need real Hollywood stars. It breaks my heart, you know? Most of these kids don’t have a lot of photo opportunities

    Bwahahahahaha! i was laughing the whole time! this is very hilarious! yup! she immitated every famous female celebrity in hollywood! get ORIGINAL Hyo RI!

  20. Ingrid Says:

    Lee said, “I would do it myself, but I just don’t have that kind of international fame, despite being really huge on both Dokdo Islets. These people need real Hollywood stars. It breaks my heart, you know? Most of these kids don’t have a lot of photo opportunities!

    She immitated every famous female hollywood celebrity! Be ORIGINAL Girl!

  21. stat Says:

    I doubt Hyo-ri has much stylistic input in all this. Far more likely she’s the puppet of an industry. Must be quite shit for her, all her decisions probably made for her, just because she can sing and look pretty. A more extreme version of the situation most EFL teachers are in here, except most EFL teachers can’t sing for shit.

  22. cal Says:

    Come on, Yangpa, where in the bloody hell are you? We need our monthly fix of crack!

  23. stat Says:

    cal’s right

    come on buster, where’s the goods :mad:

    the crowd’s lookin pretty mean and nasty… just toss us a bone!

  24. Anonymous Says:

    effective therapy, i agree completely. it’s so nice to know you’re not alone. Billy B I would like to meet you.

  25. burnt-toast Says:

    It’s a pity the cute little black kids she is so lovingly surrounded by would only be able to work in sweat shops back in her own country. Keep up the good work.

  26. !!!!!!!!!! Says:

    nice Hyori,year baby.

  27. = = Says:

    haha, those pics were interesting.. however, people should appreciate her instead of just bashing; she does have her good points.

  28. hitest Says:

    Brilliant :)

    My first reading of any of your posts, dirrected here from another blog.

    Coming back for more.

    Cheers!

  29. cheekyseeky Says:

    OMG, she looks so much more asian here than when she does on stage or in the studio.

  30. paperbbv Says:

    Hey, I found this page called KpopVideo.com, they have a hug and updated collection of Hyori’s pics, vids and news. Besides, u can find lots of other gasoo’s stuff here. Hope you enjoy it ^^

  31. aljensen Says:

    I miss the old Yangpa, I want it back!

  32. Bony Says:

    i am an african from kenya and i believe we have the same vision Lee hiyre

  33. kissmykimchi Says:

    your site is awesome. and I can’t believe hyori is so into flattery.

  34. secret Says:

  35. Cassandra J Says:

    The fact that she went there is really admirable. Most people just donate money…..but to be there personally and do charity and work….2 thumbs up for her!

  36. Jellie Says:

    Beauty, brains, talent and a good heart. Very perfect woman. Inspiration and model.

  37. Everybody wants to go “to Africa” – Africa is a Country Says:

    [...] The Korean version of the Onion had some fun at her expense. [...]

  38. Stars Love Africa – Africa is a Country Says:

    [...] The Korean version of the Onion had some fun at her expense. [...]

  39. Afrika und der Blick des Nordens (3): Geh’n wir schwarze Babys adoptieren | Böhms Logbuch Says:

    […] südkoreanische Sängerin Lee Hyori wiederum ließ sich  schon vor einigen Jahren mit armen Kindern in Äthiopien ablichten, das […]

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