Dave Sperling Responds to PHP Error Complaints with Even More PHP Errors

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Far from the smoggy streets of crowded Seoul, life is sweet out here in California. And it's sweeter than most for Dave Sperling, owner of Dave's ESL Cafe, the most popular site on the internet for ESL job listings in South Korea. As you enter the gate and coast down the three-mile driveway towards "The House that Konglish Built," Mr. Sperling's status as the king of ESL job sites is hard to deny. And yet, despite this success, Mr. Sperling has been encountering an increasing vocal outcry from the users of his site, who claim that the site is too frequently down and too unreliable.

Speaking to us from atop a pile of cash, the webmaster answered his critics, "I don't know what everybody's complaining about. I keep working on the job listings, and that money keeps rolling in. In fact, I don't even know why the ESL market is so hot in over there. I guess they've really rebuilt the country since the Vietnam War." Pausing to take a sip from his strawberry daiquiri while fanning himself with a handful of 100-dollar bills, Mr. Sperling reflected on his success, "Hell, 2 years ago, I didn't even know the intronet was!"

"Frankly, I don't see any problem the server," he said, gesturing towards the cobwebbed machine which is kept in the corner of the room next to some dingy mops and old paintcans, "It's the best server Atari ever made! I think it works just fine, it's just that sometimes I need a socket for my hairdryer."

Dave then took us on a tour of his house. Leading us down the marble-laid hallway, he opened a door to reveal an enormous closet. Inside was a huge collection of black berets. "I bought this one at an auction of old props from the Blossom show. Lead actress Mayim Bialik was wearing this in the episode where they find out that Joey has Down's Syndrome."

While staring in the mirror and adjusting his beret at various angles, he came back to the subject of his site, "They wanna complain about the constant PHP errors, but Sperling don't play that. I decided I was gonna have to calm things down by slowing up the site with extra PHP errors. Now, I'm no internetician, so I just poured a bucket of water on the server, and that seemed to do the trick." He adjusted the beret for a fourth time. "Do you think this is too jaunty? I'm looking for just a little jauntiness, not too much."

2 Responses to “Dave Sperling Responds to PHP Error Complaints with Even More PHP Errors”

  1. Sperling Backlash Says:

    This man is a disgrace and would undoubtedlt sell his own family if the price were right. His website is shockingly poor, and he is ruining the lives of many people who misguidedly think his website will help them to find a good job abroad.

  2. !!!! Says:

    no doubt.

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