At around 12 AM on Wednesday, Tokyo residents Yukie Watanabe and Akira Shimura engaged in a sexual encounter that in no way deviated from normal coital practices. The couple began with some light kissing and touching, then graduated to heavy kissing and gentle fondling. Then they removed their clothes and had 17 minutes of sexual intercourse in the 'missionary' position.
Mr. Shimura remarked, "I guess I was tired. Usually I'd at least take time to put some clothespins on her nipples or smear blueberry jam all over her face, but I've been working late at the office a lot this week." While Mr. Shimura attributes the lack of kinkiness to fatigue, Ms. Watanabe finds no particular reason for it. "We were all out of diapers and my high school uniform is at the cleaners getting the peanut butter washed out of it. I guess it was just coincidence. I mean, this is a real relationship, not just some cartoon where you can have giant tentacles enter your every orifice at the drop of a hat."
In the future, both vow to bring more creativity into their physical relationship. Says Mr. Shimura, "Next time I'll duct tape her eyes shut and fill her mouth with olives. Maybe drip some wax on her armpits. You know, make the lady feel special. I guess I'm worried that we've lost our spark. I can't even remember the last time we got out the vacuum cleaner."