According to insiders, a press release which will announce another delay in the construction of a U.S. military base in Korea is proceeding far ahead of schedule. The announcement, which will detail the various snags and postponements in the construction of the consolidated base in Kyonggi Province is scheduled to beat estimates by several hours. Jill Sherlington, a senior communications director for the U.S. army, is in charge of the project. "It's going along really great. I've got 3 whole paragraphs already, and all I need is 4 and I'm done. I'll probably have time to shoot a few games of pool before dinner." The cause for this optimistic prediction lies in the content of the announcement, says Sherlington. "This is just one of those run-of-the-mill delays. It's not like some Pyongtaek farmers are setting themselves on fire or something. When that starts happening, it's gonna be tough. People get really touchy if you misspell the names of the dead."