The sense of empathy and willingness to help society's downtrodden that was instilled by Samantha Batton's education at Wellesly College was completely erased on Thursday morning by the sheer eye-watering shit stench that emanated from street denizen Kim Changwoon. Ms. Batton received a Bachelor's degree in Social Justice Theory after completing a thesis on the life's work of Guatemalan activist Miriam Jocop Guamuch. She then used her extensive knowledge of the oppressive economic power structures in Latin America to secure employment as an English teacher in Seoul, South Korea.
It was on the streets of Kangnam that her liberal arts education was put to the ultimate test. Says Ms. Batton, "I saw him kneeling down on the stairs that lead into the subway and my heart went out to him. I know a little Korean because I studied Korean when I got my minor in Uraltic/Altaic languages, so I decided to talk to him and ask him if he wanted share a meal of some organic well-being bean sprouts."
The offer for a meal, however, was never to take place. As Ms. Batton drew close to the man, she noticed something unusual. "He smelled like somebody shat into a carton of rotten eggs. It was fucking awful. I've never smelled anything like it. It was like a truck stop toilet filled with steamed broccoli and dog farts. Un-fucking-believable." After encountering Mr. Kim's formidable odor, Ms. Batton beat a hasty retreat. "I understand that he is languishing at the bottom of unprincipled and iniquitous capitalist system and that he can be rehabilitated through job-training and medical care programs. But that motherfucker stunk."