Homeless Man’s Stench Overpowers 4 Years of Liberal Arts Education


The sense of empathy and willingness to help society's downtrodden that was instilled by Samantha Batton's education at Wellesly College was completely erased on Thursday morning by the sheer eye-watering shit stench that emanated from street denizen Kim Changwoon. Ms. Batton received a Bachelor's degree in Social Justice Theory after completing a thesis on the life's work of Guatemalan activist Miriam Jocop Guamuch. She then used her extensive knowledge of the oppressive economic power structures in Latin America to secure employment as an English teacher in Seoul, South Korea.

It was on the streets of Kangnam that her liberal arts education was put to the ultimate test. Says Ms. Batton, "I saw him kneeling down on the stairs that lead into the subway and my heart went out to him. I know a little Korean because I studied Korean when I got my minor in Uraltic/Altaic languages, so I decided to talk to him and ask him if he wanted share a meal of some organic well-being bean sprouts."

The offer for a meal, however, was never to take place. As Ms. Batton drew close to the man, she noticed something unusual. "He smelled like somebody shat into a carton of rotten eggs. It was fucking awful. I've never smelled anything like it. It was like a truck stop toilet filled with steamed broccoli and dog farts. Un-fucking-believable." After encountering Mr. Kim's formidable odor, Ms. Batton beat a hasty retreat. "I understand that he is languishing at the bottom of unprincipled and iniquitous capitalist system and that he can be rehabilitated through job-training and medical care programs. But that motherfucker stunk."

6 Responses to “Homeless Man’s Stench Overpowers 4 Years of Liberal Arts Education”

  1. Nara Says:

    Bahahha sweet mother of god. I had to stand behind just such a lady on the subway in Seoul a few weeks ago. Ohhh the stench. I buried my nose into my boyfriend’s armpit, as it was the lesser of two evils.

    I read your site everyday, it is hilarious. šŸ™‚

  2. Cockenstien Says:

    Classic. PURE GOLD once again. Timeless. You should be the ruler of the world. 10 stars. BIG savaloy.

  3. comeonbaby Says:

    hard to know what ur enjoying more, exposing the liberal arts student or riffin on the homeless’ inability to wash

  4. Quidnunc Says:

    Provocative article; however, i believe that the is the past tense of “to shit” is “shit” as analogous with the more common “quit”, “fit” and “lit”, rather than “shat” as analogous with the less common “sit.”

  5. D Says:

    i fell off my chair on this article…….5 stars

  6. haneza13 Says:

    Social justice degree – did her profs ever discuss the dignity of the human person, or the preferential option for the poor? Surely this degree would have discussed Catholic Social Teaching…as the Church is the largest social justice advocate in the world.

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