Park Jinsoo, president of software company iNetatronics.net, issued an apology to his management team for the comfort women, or lack thereof, that he provided for the most recent company dinner.
“I’m profoundly sorry that I was unable to provide any room salon girls for the last hweshik [company dinner]. I know how everybody likes to cap off a big meal with a nice round of handjobs and karaoke, but I’m afraid we just didn’t have the money.”
Park explained that iNetatronics.net had spent most of their spare funds on popsicles and boxes of individually-wrapped cookies, and that the traditional “whore fund” had been empty ever since the big IT conference in the Philippines. As such, the practice of visiting houses of prostitution (known as room salons) after every bi-monthly dinner would be cancelled until further notice. According to Park, no longer would his managers be able to find comfort in the room salons’ women, and they would have to look elsewhere for that heady combination of dehumanized, anonymous sex, fruit platters, and poorly sung versions of “Mony Mony.”
“Usually I’d chip in and buy a few girls with my own coin, but I’m trying to put my four daughters through college to make sure they have an opportunity to do something with their lives.”
Members of the iNetatronics.net management team reacted with sadness to the news that there might not be any more visits to room salons for the foreseeable future.
“Frankly, I can’t even get erect if there’s not a karaoke machine in the room,” said Marketing Director Kim Jinhoo. “I guess it’s back to loveless, robotic sex with my wife. And damnit, that’s the worst kind of loveless, robotic sex!”