From the Socialist Youth League Quarterly

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Has it been a quarter already? With all the production surpluses and military triumphs, I hadn’t even noticed! Here are the top headlines from our North Korean sister publication, the Socialist Youth League Quarterly — the third most-read quarterly socialist youth magazine in North Korea!!

Missile Test a Resounding Success
A dangerous patch of empty ocean was thwarted from its imperialistic schemes with a mighty blow from our Taepodong-2 missiles. Its softly rippling waves shall never harm anyone again.

Internet Adds Fourth Webpage
The total number of webpages on the internet climbs to four as the Democratic Front for the Reunification of the Fatherland unveiled its new homepage. Visitors can enjoy several animated GIF images and a MIDI version of War’s 1975 hit “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”

State-issued Pornography to Be Recalled
This quarter’s pornography supplement, The Central Committee of the Korean Democratic Women’s Union Gone Wild, has been recalled because it contains photographs of people who no longer exist and never did. All copies are to be burned for warmth or eaten.

Dear Leader Asks Public, “Are You Just Playing Mass Games With Me?”
Says Kim Jong Il, “You say that I have your undying love and complete devotion, but then you go off defecting all the time. You know I don’t want to brutally oppress you, baby, but sometimes you make me so angry.”

6 Responses to “From the Socialist Youth League Quarterly”

  1. Adoring fan Says:

    Haha! I’d buy anything called ‘The Central Committee of the Korean Democratic Women’s Union Gone Wild’ in a second.

  2. Sparkles*_* Says:

    “You know I don’t want to brutally oppress you, baby, but sometimes you make me so angry.”

    Wicked funny.

  3. Jinglejangle Says:

    What pictures? There are no pictures. I never saw any pictures.

  4. Cockenstien Says:

    Those damn unpersons appearing in photos all the time!

  5. swiss james Says:

    some of my best friends are North Korean dictators, the bad press they get is totally unjustified.

  6. Danny Devito Lives Says:

    I think you may have hit the nail on the head, I hear sirens, is this webpage wearing a wire?

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