Isaac Durst Escapes From His Cage

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Isaac Durst, the energetic host of EBS TV’s English Cafe, escaped from his cage on the EBS studio’s backlot late last Wednesday evening. As of the time of this article’s publishing, he is still on the loose. His keepers suspect he was able to climb up the rope on his tire swing, jump onto the wire fence that runs alongside his wading pool, and then scale the fence to freedom.

“I just don’t understand why he would want to escape,” said EBS’s veteran caucasian handler Lee Soomin. “He always seemed so happy when he was on the show. Always smiling and dancing and doing whatever we told him. Sure, sometimes he would sulk and fling his feces at us, but we’d just feed him a few hamburgers and he’d be back to his normal self again.”

Authorities are particularly concerned because Isaac has miraculously learned how to speak Korean almost like a real human being. There is a concern that he might be able to use this ability to establish a bank account or have sexual relations with a Korean woman.

“I dare not think about what kind of hideous man-beast would be born if he managed to impregnate a Korean woman,” said Deputy Police Chief Lee Woosuk. “The important thing is we bring him back to his pen where he belongs.”

If confronted with Isaac, Koreans are encouraged to speak to him in a sing-song voice and repeatedly ask him, “Hi, how are you?” It is estimated that if not showered with attention, he will shrivel up and die within 48 hours.

Lee Soomin, the handler, just hopes that Durst is found. “I remember the day we got him. I told the trapper that I wanted one with blue eyes, curly hair, and the biggest nose he could find. We got Durst and he was just perfect.”

33 Responses to “Isaac Durst Escapes From His Cage”

  1. newton kabiddles Says:

    I just saw him at the chiropractic office in Itaewon demanding Dr Yoo perform facial surgery! Someone call the authorities!

  2. scott Says:

    I saw this one coming. The last time I saw him in his pen he wasn’t moving much, so the bored Korean kids were throwing rocks and empty Coke cans at him and screaming ‘What’s your name, bitch?!’. The handlers finally had to turn the hoses on him to get him dancing and singing, but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

    I confess I hurled a couple of empty beer cans at him myself, not that I’m proud of that.

  3. Iceberg Says:

    scott,

    At least the beer cans were empty. No shame in that. It’d have been a crime not to drink the beer first.

  4. blackpine Says:

    You know, if they were unopened cans of Hite, you could still claim that they were empty of beer…

  5. zappadelta Says:

    Funny, but English Cafe isn’t on Arirang.

  6. Dear Editor Billy B. Robertson Says:

    Doh!

  7. White Tommy Says:

    Does this mean we can now hunt him down and kill him (or at least put a muzzle on him)?

  8. There Says:

    I said…

  9. North Koreander Says:

    FUCK YOU AMERICANS!

  10. Whitey Says:

    Great.

    My two laugh-out-loud moments were these:

    1. “veteran caucasian handler”

    2. “It is estimated that if not showered with attention, he will shrivel up and die within 48 hours.”

  11. Mr. Wince Says:

    Hahaha, very nice. That man is a whore.

  12. Qinella Says:

    I really can’t believe the picture. Dear lord..

  13. Isaac Durst Says:

    Extremely insensitive. Must be hard to live knowing a guy you spend your free time writing about and making fun of is making 10x more money than you. What I do is a lot harder than it looks.

  14. trigger Says:

    …and has sold his soul 10x over

  15. Isaac Says:

    Will the real “Isaac” please stand up… please stand up… that’s me. They caught me and put me back in the cage. I found a set of keys and can escape whenever I like🙂 I actually found this place when I Googled my name. Pretty funny stuff here.

    I just don’t like the way someone used my name in the comments section. That’s not my style. It’s cool to poke fun… or make a point… but if you have something to say… however valid… just use your own name.

    Health and Happiness Always… and keep up the good work!

    Byeeeeeeeeeee!

    The real Isaac

  16. the Sargeant Says:

    Hey Isaac,

    Remember your former Hanseo Colleauge?

    The sargeant

  17. meh Says:

    sure isaac

    being a caricature of a white man must be exhausting

  18. Thel Says:

    What a mug

  19. Liz Says:

    hi, I’m Liz.

    Do you remember me? We met in in-Sa-Dong🙂

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  21. Isaac Durst Says:

    Hey stop soiling the Isaac Durst name!

  22. Vanilla Rice Says:

    HA!! I just saw Isaac on tv, live, talking about “We had Chinese food three days in a row” and sang the Chinese food song to “Genghis Khan” song. Don’t put him back in the cage, rather put him to work and Chonbuk National University. Let the university suffer. HA HA HA HA

  23. BurgerMan5000 Says:

    Who is this Isaac Durst guy? Wasn’t he on the Weird Al Yankovic Show?

  24. PacManFvr1983 Says:

    Isaac Durst IS Weird Al Yankovic! =P His alter ego. Or perhaps they’re brothers.

  25. Isaac Abraham Says:

    Korea has the world’s highest auto accidents. Why do the Koreans continue to NOT obey the traffic laws? Where are the police to enforce these laws? For shame…

  26. karin Says:

    Well i liked the show. i just saw it for the first time today (it was 뻔뻔한 영어) and I was impressed. It looks like a really goofy job and all, but I can see how it helps to make the learning fun. It must be exhausting to keep up the act, and I respect you Isaac oppa =) I dont know you personally, but I think I know your name pretty well from family friends. I heard from a guy named Steve over in Brooklyn, he teaches English to Korean kids in the neighborhood. I think you are guys know each other. He mentioned you once. Then I just happened to switch to the channel your show was on and I was tickled. Im just here in Korea for a little while visiting my in-laws. Anyway, take care.
    Karin

  27. mia 'Roo' Says:

    Isaac is our favourite show host

    We’ll miss you!

    -winnie the pooh cast disney live asia

    Everyone negative on this blog needs to get over themselves!!

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