Yangpa’s Quik Newz Bytez!

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News stories so fast-paced and succinct you would think we were too lazy to flesh them out!

27 Different Julie Parks Coincidentally End Up in One Room
The strange event took place in a computer lab on the UC Berkeley campus on Friday. It quickly developed into a Highlander-style battle royale in which 26 women were killed and the winner, Julie Park, took their positions in various student organizations and their heads.

Korean School Children Entertained by Actual White Monkey
Yesterday, a group of 8-year-olds from a Kangnam Elementary school watched the delightful antics of a White Marmoset in Children’s Grand Park, which is known to many foreigners as “Children’s Grand Squalid Animal Jail”. As the children laughed and threw junk food into the monkey’s depressing shit-stained cage, their English teacher, Bill Northam, looked on with deep existential sorrow.

Korean Actress Diagnosed with Cancer of the S-Line
Lee Jeong-eun, a longtime contestant in the Unemployed Actors’ Wacky Hijinks Show, was diagnosed yesterday. She will retire from the show which airs 47 times daily and become a star in a popular documentary series, The Weepy Sad-Sack Life Show, which is sponsored by the Korean Violin Manufacturers Association.

10 Responses to “Yangpa’s Quik Newz Bytez!”

  1. sanshinseon Says:

    really funny stuff, man — thanks for the smiles — keep on keepin’ on!

  2. nitter picker Says:

    It would have been 57 different Sunny Kims…

  3. Jason Says:

    I love the Weepy Sad-Sack Show! Used to watch it all the time when it came on after the Pompous Bald Guy Writing Chinese On A Chalkboard Show.

  4. Whitey Says:

    When I was living in L.A. and working in Koreatown I knew four women whose English name was “Jenny Lee.”

    Look at this grid:

    (Column A) (Column B)

    Jenny Park

    Julie

    Grace

    Eunice

  5. Whitey Says:

    Hey, your site printed my comment before I was ready….

    Anyway, choose one of these four first names: Jenny, Julie, Grace, and Eunice.

    Now choose one of these three last names: Park, Lee, Kim.

    There, now you have the full name of half of the girls in L.A. Koreatown.

  6. nobody Says:

    “their English teacher, Bill Northam, looked on with deep existential sorrow.”

    Classic.

  7. seouldout Says:

    Though not as ridiculously common as Grace and Jenny let’s not forgot that the gyopos have exclusive rights to Eleanor.

    Some day they’ll have Madison, Lucienne and Adair. And they shall rule the world.

  8. doggyji Says:

    Whitey sounds dead on ha ha… 12 different full names for half of the Korean girls in LA. So funny!

  9. Al Says:

    “their English teacher, Bill Northam, looked on with deep existential sorrow.”

    That’s what you get for drinking Cafri all night long.

  10. gabe Says:

    Seriously, just found this site. Haven’t taught in Korea for a couple of years, but wish I knew about this site when I did. The “actual white monkey” bit cracked me up – my coworkers are looking at me really strangely right now.

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