Latest in Korean Education: In-Vitro Violin Lessons

Researcher Kang Hyungjoon scolds Embryo 708-J for sloppy fingering

The world’s tiniest violin, a long-time staple of sarcastic sympathizers everywhere, has actually been created by scientists at Seoul National University and is being used to provide violin instruction to newly created fetuses. Says lead scientist Kang Hyungjoon, “We have a created a new process where we extract a fertilized embryo from a woman, put it in a test tube, and then use nanotechnology to teach it how to play first position and so on. It’s an exciting breakthrough. The world sorely needs another Asian kid who can play violin.” This new technique is part of a range of prenatal education techniques that Korean parents have begun employing to give their children a head start in an intensely competitive society. Other techniques include eating foods that are thought to help with brain development, reading books to the unborn baby, and hiring a white guy to come shout English lessons up the woman’s vagina.