Archive for May, 2007

Once Again, Eyebrow Pencil Saves Lives

May 8, 2007

Disaster was narrowly averted last week when a group of ajummas trapped in a collapsed building were able to contact rescuers by sending messages written entirely in eyebrow pencil. The ajummas were pinned in a small basement chamber beneath the rubble of the G-SpaceParkWorldSpace Mall, which collapsed just 1 week after opening and 2 weeks after construction began. When the building began to collapse, the ajummas managed to get to the shelter of the basement by pushing aside a group of small schoolchildren, who all died. They survived for several days with their military-grade camping rations and arctic-ready sleeping bags, which they had brought with them in preparation for a walk through the local playground. As supplies were growing thin, rescuers inched closer to them, painstakingly removing the plastic cubicle partitions and duct tape that had served as the 20-story mall’s main support structure. The ajummas, fearing that if the rubble was removed incorrectly they would be crushed by a giant bronze sculpture of Gus Hiddink’s head which lay overtop them, began furiously scribbling notes in eyebrow pencil and passing them to the rescue workers. Fortunately, the ajummas’ daily supply of eyebrow pencil was just enough to describe their situation, draw several diagrams, and write down a series of 27 teen detective novels which kept the rescuers entertained during their arduous work.

Other Top Stories:

New “Let’s Keep Domestic Violence Domestic!” Campaign
The Ministry of Gender Equality unveiled a new campaign urging all Koreans to beat their spouses in the comfort of their own homes. A ministry spokesperson stressed that the word ‘domestic’ means “in the home” and not “in front of KFC where all the world can see”.

South Korean Shoots 32 Pictures of Herself
Onlookers horrified by the ghastly display of self-absorption.