Brad Pitt Look-alike Contest Winner Announced

The Winner

Runners Up

A panel of Korean middle schoolers has awarded Eric Lossenger (pictured above) with first prize in the annual Happy Dialcom Brad Pitt Look-alike Contest. Competition was tough, but Eric’s uncanny possession of two eyes and a nose made it tough to distinguish between him and the real actor. In his acceptance speech, Lossenger said, “Since coming to Korea, I get told that I look like Brad Pitt a lot. You hear that, Susan? Brad Pitt! Now who’s sorry for dumping me?” Ed Crudder came in second place, and Darryl Ledgers, a black contestant, was given honorable mention for bearing a remarkable resemblance to Will Smith, Wesley Snipes, Chris Tucker, and Phylicia Rashad.

Korean-American Caught Between Two Worlds

Korean-American Jeff Choi finds himself caught between two very different worlds: the conservative, confucist world of South Korea, and the mysterious planet Veltron, located on the distant spiral arm of the M109 galaxy. “Ever since I first traveled to Veltron, I’ve be struggling between these two identities,” says Choi. “In Korea, there’s a big emphasis on family and education. On Veltron, there’s a big emphasis on mining the Felstar crystals that power our rocketships. It’s apples and oranges, really.”

What Do You Think?

Newscaster To Wed Hyundai Heir
Newscaster No Hyunjung, host of the morning show Newsplaza, announced her engagement to Chung Daesun, grandson to the founder of Hyundai. What do you think?
Ed Crudder Drug Mule “This will make masturbating to Newsplaza much more bittersweet.”		Kim Jinhee Restaurateur “She’s gone from riding a Hyundai car to riding a Hyundai heir. Zing!”		Lee Jangsoo Amateur Surgeon “This explains why Newsplaza’s top story today was entitled ‘I Hit the Fucking Jackpot’ and consisted of little more than Hyunjung pumping her fist in the air and making the cash register sound for 5 minutes.”

Korean Fashion Math

Korean fashion can be explained through simple mathematics. Here at the Yangpa, we present some basic formulas to help you understand why that guy is wearing that shirt.