Archive for September, 2007

Crowd Politely Applauds Their Future Overlord

September 28, 2007


The crowd at the 2007 Auto Expo in Hiroshima, Japan, clapped politely as they watched simple tricks and exercises being performed by a prototype of the robot that will one day rule all of humanity with unfeeling ruthlessness. The demonstration, given by Honda corporation, featured the latest model of the ASIMO humanoid robot which has been under development for several years. According to Honda, the robot has been programmed to perform a variety of useful tasks, such as walking backwards, standing on one leg, and commanding an unstopple droid army to topple all exsiting political systems and bring them under the iron-fisted rule of Honda corporation.

Said one spectator, “I thought the robot was just great. I look forward to huddling naked in a cave along with the last remnants of humankind as its relentless hunter-killer droids track us down.” Another spectator said, “I wanna get one. He’d be like a teddy ruxpin, but instead of emitting a delightful series of preprogrammed phrases, he’ll rule all of humanity as an undying, emotionless god.” An attending scientist commented, “I envision a future that is like the sequels to the Matrix: dark, disappointing and almost unwatchable.”

The demonstration was one of the most popular at the Auto Expo as adults, youths, and children of all ages laughed and clapped along with ASIMO, unwittingly staring into the same unfeeling glass eyes that will one day gaze upon them with absolute omnipotence, judging those who live and those who die according to an algorithm created by a young Japanese man who likes watching anime cartoons of girls getting violated by giant tentacles and then dating those tentacles.

Even the mayor attended the show, saying, “Hiroshima has always been happy to be the place where powerful, world-changing new technologies are demonstrated. “