Archive for July, 2007

Korean Singer Vows to Provide African Village with Much-Needed Angelina Jolie

July 31, 2007

Lee Hyori visits Africa. Poverty ends moments later.

On her recent trip to Africa, Korean pop singer Lee Hyori was shocked to discover how many Africans were living without Angelina Jolie or even basic Mia Farrow. “It’s appalling,” said the 28 year old star. “How could anybody live in such a place without Angelina Jolie?” Her tour included some of the most exclusive impoverished villages on the African continent, often frequented by the likes of Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, and George Clooney. But she was dismayed to find that not all villages were fortunate enough to receive the nourishing, live-giving celebrity visits they so desperately need. Many villages are plagued by sub-standard celebrity conditions, receiving only visits from people like Ian Ziering and Star Jones while they slowly wait to die.

Lee said, “I would do it myself, but I just don’t have that kind of international fame, despite being really huge on both Dokdo Islets. These people need real Hollywood stars. It breaks my heart, you know? Most of these kids don’t have a lot of photo opportunities.” In addition to the lack of Angelina Jolie, Lee hopes to address some other issues that impoverished Africans face. “I want to improve education. I want to teach them so that one day they can read the covers of the celebrity magazines they grace.” Lee admits, however, that it will be a difficult task for her. “I resolved to help conquer third world poverty the same way I conquered the Korean music industry. But the people at the aid organization said that poverty and hunger cannot be solved by wearing hotpants and singing old Britney Spears hooks.” She appeared to be overcome with emotion, adding gravely, “no matter how small those hotpants are.”

As she spoke, a single tear rolled down her exposed mid-riff.

Hyori is known for keeping up with all the must-have Hollywood accessories

Lee also urged her fellow Koreans to join her in helping Africa. She explained, “the country has been torn in half by military conflict, the people live in grim depressing conditions, the government is corrupt, and the women are selling their bodies on a horrifyingly vast scale. But, trust me, these Africans have it bad too.”