Lets Work Together to End Global Inequality After My Trip to Thailand

Ed Crudder

Some of us in this world find ourselves toiling away for hours on end, living by the sweat of our brows, doing back-breaking manual labor for a few dollars a day, knowing that our very survival depends upon our strenuous physical efforts. Others of us teach English. In the modern age, economic inequality has given rise to exploitation, human trafficking, and that show where the Thai lady pulls razors out of her pussy. I may be an idealist, but I strongly believe that as citizens of this planet, we should all work together so that a fair and equitable chance at happiness is available to all human beings one day. The day after I get back from Bangkok.

Life in the third world can often be harsh and cruel. My uncle went to Vietnam and after the things he saw there, he was never quite the same. Of course, it was the mid 90s and he went there as a sex tourist, but the experience changed him nonetheless. I’ll never forget when he said to me, “Eddy, you’ve got to get out to Southeast Asia. The whores there are so cheap, it’ll blow your fucking mind.” It was, without a doubt, the strangest wedding toast I’d ever heard. But after I got divorced and came out to Korea, I began to think of my uncle’s words. And I really began to think about them after I realized I was spending 300 bucks a month on “sports” massages, and the closest I came to playing sports was boning the girls at the sports massage place. And so, a week ago, I bought a plane ticket to Thailand.

If my expat friends are to be believed, Thailand is just like Pirates of the Caribbean. Except instead of pirates, there’s prostitutes. And instead of the Caribbean, there’s prostitutes. And because of economics, I can buy a prostitute in Thailand for the price of a meal for two in Korea. And after I fuck the prostitute, I can probably buy us a meal for two for the price of a prostitute in some shittier country like Liberia. Clearly, this is not fair, it is not equitable, and it is an outrage. A horny, horny outrage.

I call on all people from all parts of the globe to join together and tear down the barriers that perpetuate economic inequality. But first, there should be an intensive planning stage that lasts until I get back on September 24th. But then, definitely start tearing those barriers down. Hopefully, by then I’ll have enough silk shirts and black-market boner pills to last me through the new era of universal human dignity.

Holocaust Museum Opens in Korea

The entrance of the Incheon Holocaust Museum during its Grand Opening

Yesterday, hundreds of visitors came to see the grand opening of the new Incheon Holocaust Museum, the first of its kind in Asia (take that, Seoul!). They were greeted by an ominous recreation of the front gates of the notorious Auschwitz prison camp, plus a delightful balloon arch and two dancers who paid tribute to the 6 million victims of the holocaust by wearing miniskirts and performing 1980s-era aerobic routines whilst a nearby boombox blasted Jock Jams Vol. 7. Said one visitor, “The museum really affected me. The emaciated bodies, the lifeless faces, the eyes full of sorrow. God, those were the worst grand opening dancers ever!”

Yangpa Fun-fact: Dancers such as the ones pictured above are called ‘doumi’ in Korean. ‘Doumi’ literally means “one more missed credit card payment away from prostitution”.