As Asia struggles to cope with recent provocation by North Korea and the won falters, Korean mega-corporations LG and Samsung have announced an unprecedented partnership to offer financial backing to South Korea. In acknowledgement of their support, and their contribution to Korea’s astonishing economic triumph throughout the last 50 years, the Republic of Korea will henceforth be known as “Samsung and LG Proudly Present the Republic of Korea.” Minor modifications are planned for the national flag to reflect the contributions made by the corporations.
Samsung Vice-Chairman Jong-Yong Yun issued this statement: “With this partnership between LG and Samsung, the Korean dream of unification of has finally been achieved. Oh, I mean the other dream of unification.”
Due to the sanctions imposed by the UN Security council, LG’s partner group, GS, is poised to underwrite the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, also known as North Korea. The Stalinist country has been in financial straits ever since Kim Jong Il’s 5-Year-Plan “The Great Leap Sideways” entered its 18th year. In an apparent stroke of good luck, several relatives of the reigning Kim family perished in Nigeria, leaving behind considerable wealth , but despite the best efforts of a number of pastors, virtuous widows and princes, Kim Jong Il hasn’t received the expected windfall, and millions of dollars’ worth of bank transfer payments have gone unrewarded. After the sponsorship takes effect, the DPRK is expected to retain its acronym, but will be henceforth referred to as the Digital People’s Republic of Korea.
Other corporate sponsorships are also in the works. The Presidency is being sponsored by SK Telecom, and consequently their slogan “Ubiquitous Leader” has been adopted and will be used to refer to future Korean heads of state. A discreet logo will appear on neckties worn by the president, and the president will personally deliver messages on behalf of SK Telecom such as “This number is not in service” on a live, individual basis.
Kia Motor Company has expressed an interest in sponsoring Dok-do, the small rocky islands currently in dispute between Korea and Japan. However, the prototype for their new sedan built in honour of the islands, the sprightly “Dok!” has been dismissed as too tiny, ugly, and generally useless.